#lyrics analysis is a love of mine

[catastrophicgay]

Dorothea x Augustine Theory!!!

Something has been bugging me about the resolution to the folklore love triangle.

We know that Augustine doesn't end up with James, but that Taylor does think she deserves to find love in the end. What if she does?

We also don't know who Dorothea's narrator/lover is, and it seems strange to me that Taylor would leave this character completely unnamed, a complete mystery.

But who is the only other character implied to have a happy ending but who's future is left mysteriously open-ended? Augustine.

Disclaimer, I'm aware that evermore is a collection of stories independent from folklore. However, since Taylor has confirmed Dorothea and Augustine attend the same school, I'm assuming they must have known each other somehow. I'll also be explaining how Dorothea's songs from evermore and the love triangle songs from folklore are intertwined.

Buckle up because this is a long one. But it is color coded! And gay! So there's that.

Here's the evidence I've compiled for each song:

Dorothea

damn, Dorothea They all wanna be ya But are you still the same soul I met under the bleachers?

We know that this song is about a high school relationship (and likely ongoing after graduation), meaning it's fully possible for it to be from Augustine's perspective, as her fling with James only lasted for one summer.

Skipping the prom Just to piss off your mom And her pageant schemes

This line implies some sort of disapproval from Dorothea's mom of their relationship, as well as the fact that they couldn't or didn't want to go to prom together. These lines along with the meeting "under the bleachers" adds to the forbidden romance themes that definitely have queer undertones to me. This is also one of the only described relationships that walks the line between romance and friendship, adding to the queercoding.

The 1

Roaring 20s, tossing pennies in the pool And if my wishes came true It would've been you

I feel that the general consensus is that this song is about James. However, couldn't be about Betty and James, since Taylor has explained that they do stay together.

What's more, the "roaring 20's" seems incredibly inconsistent with this theory. It could mean time period, but the phrase refers to the 1920s, which doesn't make sense considering lyrics like "meet some woman on the internet." If it refers to age, it has to be about Dorothea and Augustine, since James and Augustine got together and broke up as teenagers.

Since the tone perfectly matches the mournful longing tone of the previously mentioned song, dorothea; the 1 could be a role reversal. A perspective switch of a jaded Dorothea singing about Augustine after having to leave. Here are some lyrical parallels that drive me insane:

The 1: I guess you never know, you never know

Dorothea: Oh, I guess I'll never know

The 1: I have this dream you're doing cool shit Having adventures on your own

Dorothea: You got shiny friends since you left town A tiny screen's the only place I see you now

'Tis the Damn Season

We could call it even You could call me babe for the weekend

There's so much gay in this song I'm not even sure where to start.

First off, he idea of calling their friend "babe" for the weekend has undeniably sapphic undertones to me. I mean, think about it. Straight crushes doing something like that would be seen as undeniably romantic, with none of the ambiguity and tension from the first Dorothea song. Girl friends calling each other by pet names is something that has probably been the bane of every sapphic's existence at some point. Myself included, obviously.

'Tis the damn season Write this down I'm stayin' at my parents' house

Something about taking very traditional values like the holidays, and cursing them, keeps so well with the theme of small town gays.

As for the following two lines, I don't see these being relevant to the song if not as a warning. We've already unpacked how it's very likely Dorothea's parents don't approve of her close relationship with Augustine. Later in the song, these lines add to that theme:

The holidays linger like bad perfume You can run, but only so far I escaped it too, remember how you watched me leave

Back to the chrous, this interpretation is only exacerbated with the next line:

And the road not taken looks real good now

This is line of the biggest clues to me, and for a couple of reasons. I think it's fairly apparent that the road not taken is an analogy used to describe unconventionality, and it is very often used to reference queerness in that sense. This coincides perfectly with Augustine and Dorothea's secret relationship and how others disapprove.

But this line also serves as more evidence that Augustine and Dorotheas songs are intrinsically linked. This song is very clearly sung from Dorothea's perspective. And in a song very clearly sung from Augustine's perspective, this line shows up.

Illicit Affairs: Take the road less traveled by

To me, this shows the contrast between Augustine leaving her relationship with James to entering (and re-entering) her relationship with Dorothea. James casts Augustine off to take the road by herself, to hide from society's disapproving glare. But Dorothea chooses takes that road with Augustine. Their relationship has Augustine hiding her love once again, but this time she's not alone.

There's an ache in you put there by the ache in me

The central theme in their relationship I've just explained is also very present in this line, as it is in the following song.

Exile

You're not my homeland anymore So what am I defending now? You were my town Now I'm in exile, seein' you out

This song is about Dorothea and Augustine's relationship coming to an end when Dorothea has to leave their town to pursue her dreams. While this song is sung from the perspective of two characters, assumedly representing Dorothea and Augustine, I'll focus mainly on one. From Augustine's perspective, we see her suffer through the same heartbreak that she did when her secret relationship with James came to an end, hence the lines:

I think I've seen this film before And I didn't like the ending

This song proves to me that Dorothea and the folklore love triangle must be connected, there's no denying that the lyrical parallels between Dorothea's songs and exile are unmistakable.

Exile: To pack us up and leave me with it

'Tis the Damn Season: To leave the warmest bed I've ever known

Exile: You're not my homeland anymore / You were my town

'Tis the Damn Season: It always leads to you in my hometown

Exile: Like he's just your understudy

Dorothea: And you'll go on with the show

Exile: Second, third, and hundredth chances

Dorothea: It's never too late to come back to my side

Exile: Those eyes add insult to injury

Dorothea: The stars in your eyes shined brighter in Tupelo

Exile: You didn't even hear me out

'Tis the Damn Season: Now I'm missing your smile, hear me out

Since dorothea and 'tis the damn season take place after exile, this song is here to establish the cracks that broke down their relationship in the past and how they are mended in later songs.

Gold Rush

What must it be like to grow up that beautiful? With your hair falling into place like dominoes My mind turns your life into folklore I can't dare to dream about you anymore

I'll say it, this might be the most queercoded song on the album. The theme of envious attraction, being unable to tell if you want someone or want to be them, and having to hide from your feelings all the while because you know you can never truly have a future with them... I cannot be the only one who sees it.

To me, this is about when Augustine first starts developing feelings for Dorothea. I've seen people argue that if this is connected to the folklore love triangle, that it must be Augustine singing about James. However, the only connection the evermore songs have to folklore Taylor has specified is the character of Dorothea, so it doesn't make sense for there to be an evermore track about two characters from folklore.

I don't like anticipating my face in a red flush I don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch Everybody wants you Everybody wonders what it would be like to love you

The love interest being this attractive character that everyone is drawn to makes perfect sense for Dorothea, as we know she eventually moves to Los Angeles and becomes a star.

Not only must this song be about Dorothea, but being the only song that directly references folklore heavily implies that is must be connected to one of its characters in some way, namely Augustine.

I see me padding 'cross your wooden floors With my Eagles t-shirt hanging from the door At dinner parties I call you out on your contrarian shit And the coastal town we wandered 'round had never seen a love as pure as it And then it fades into the gray of my day old tea 'Cause you know it could never be

The most curious part of the song is that when the narrator finally allows herself to imagine a future with the person she loves, she quickly remind herself that "it could never be," and that the object of her affections knows this as well.

All that the narrator, Augustine, wants is to have a comfortable and happy future with Dorothea, but she cannot bring herself to imagine the two of them ever finding this coastal town that sees their love as "pure." This hopeless and resigned tone about her assumedly unrequited love and unattainable dreams is exacerbated in the final chorus when the lyrics change to "the coastal town we never found will never see a love as pure as it."

Also, I feel the need to point out a few lyrical parallels because:

Gold Rush: Walk past, quick brush

'Tis the Damn Season: It's the kind of cold, fogs up windshield glass But I felt it when I passed you

Gold Rush: My mind turns your life into folklore I can't dare to dream about you anymore

Dorothea: I have this dream you're doing cool shit Having adventures on your own

Gold Rush: And the coastal town we wandered 'round 

'Tis the Damn Season: And it always leads to you in my hometown

Invisible String

Green was the color of the grass Where I used to read at Centennial Park I used to think I would meet somebody there

Anddd we're at the final song! Fittingly, I believe this song is from the perspective of Dorothea after she and Augustine reunite, wrapping up their story with a happy ending.

And in true full-circle Taylor Swift fashion, their story ends the same way it starts, with Centennial Park. If you don't recall, dorothea starts with these lines:

Dorothea: Hey Dorothea, do you ever stop and think about me? When we were younger, down in the park

And this isn't the only recall to Dorothea's evermore songs. Almost every line in this song references a line in one of the previous songs that I've analyzed!

Teal was the color of your shirt When you were sixteen at the yogurt shop

Remember the "eagles t-shirt" from gold rush? Taylor confirmed this was a deliberate reference to the Philadelphia eagles, who's team color is teal. Again, this song could only be about dorothea's narrator, Augustine, as gold rush is from evermore while invisible string is from folklore, and Dorothea is the sole connection between the two albums.

Gave me no compasses, gave me no signs Were there clues I didn't see?

This is a direct parallel to exile, where Dorothea laments over how Augustine "never gave a warning sign." But now the tone has shifted, and she readily admits that maybe she had missed the signs all along, and looks back on the nature of their relationship as fateful rather than chaotic.

All along there was some Invisible string Tying you to me

Sound familiar? Even though Dorothea has tried to leave in the past, time and time again, it always leads back to Augustine and their hometown.

On your first trip to LA You ate at my favorite spot for dinner

In the end, it seems like Dorothea does end up leaving back to LA, like she says at the end of 'tis the damn season. But this line implies that the leaving wasn't necessarily marking a bad ending to their relationship. It implies that Augustine comes with her, and they finally get that coastal town they had always wanted but never thought they could have. Outside of the pressure of their small town, they can finally host their dinner parties and voice their contrarian bullshit.

Bold was the waitress on our three year trip Getting lunch down by the lakes She said I looked like an American singer

To me, this line solidifies the idea that this folklore song is about Dorothea. No other character in either of the albums is implied to be famous and have a performance career, which narrows the possibilities to just about one person. And this "three year trip" makes perfect sense for Dorothea, who Augustine says never liked the stuffiness of their hometown.

Chains around my demons, wool to brave the seasons One single thread of gold tied me to you

"Wool to brave the seasons" seems to me like a reference to not only 'tis the damn season, but the album cover of evermore as well.

The color of the invisible string that ties the two together being gold also seems to be a reference to gold rush. The East Asian folk myth the song is based off of describes a red string, not a gold one. So if the color were to be changed, it would have to have been very deliberate. And this theory is only reinforced with the next line:

Gold was the color of the leaves When I showed you around Centennial Park Hell was the journey but it brought me heaven

Another reference to gold, and another reference to Centennial Park. The description paints a picture of the so called gold rush that Augustine had been trying to avoid, being finally embraced by the two of them.

The song offers one final parallel to close this analysis off:

'Tis the Damn Season: But if it's okay with you, it's okay with me

Invisible String: And it's cool, baby, with me

Thank you so much for sticking with me for this whole analysis! I would love to hear what theories or criticisms you guys have as well.

I did make the songs out of chronological order for a smoother analysis, but if you're confused about the timeline, here's a playlist I made of all the songs I find to be part of their story, including some that I have not analyzed here. It starts with James and Augustine's relationship in mirrorball, and continues from there in chronological order.

[kirarahoshii]

she wrote this song (the most beautiful thing i have ever heard in my life) while carrying groceries to her car. i’m gonna hurl

(source)

my love mine all mine is so devastatingly beautiful… it’s such a simple song (lyrically speaking, at least) but a clear, no-heartbreak confession of love… mitski really hasn’t done love songs without some kind of catch to it but this is really just. i love this person, i don’t care about anything but her, i will love her now and forever, will you make sure she knows i love her so?

[notallrobots]

i couldn’t stop thinking about toxic starnerve after watching that scrapped storyboard… the one where fear tries to FUCKING MURDER joy. omg.

i’m not super happy with my art at the moment (just want to improve my interpretations of the characters , you know how it be). but i really wanted to make an song / plot analysis of this storyline, using the song New Magic Wand by Tyler the Creator.

song analysis / au explanation (is it an au, if this is how Inside Out was originally going to go? 😳 ) below ⬇️

song lyrics in bold, plot connection in italics. :3

Sometimes you gotta close a door to open a window

Fear feels as though Headquarters would be better off without Joy’s strong-arming. The other emotions agree with him to a degree, but are highly against his plot to kick Joy out of Headquarters forever. So he develops an evil plot in secret.

I saw a photo, you looked joyous

My eyes are green, I eat my veggies

Fear is highly jealous of Joy’s strong, loving connection with Riley, both from a parental standpoint (He feels as though he cannot influence Riley positively with Joy in the way), and a possessive one (Fear harbors romantic feelings for Joy but cannot properly express them. He feels as though bringing these feelings out into the open would jeapordize Riley’s well-being. So his surpressed affections and attraction to Joy manifest as resentment, bossiness, envy, and, at a certain point, rage).

I need to get her out the picture She's really fuckin' up my frame

Fear is angry that Joy tries to take such extreme control of Riley’s emotions, bitter that he may not ever have the relationship that he wants with Joy, and his jealousy influences his ability to properly do his job. He starts growing more erratic, crass, and temperamental. The other emotions begin to take notice.

She's not developed like we are

Fear tries to convince the other emotions that Joy is a liability in Headquarters, because she cannot stop herself from taking total control of the console most of the time. The others agree (especially Anger, who craves justice and feels as though Joy’s control is teeming on the edge of dictatorship), but only to a certain point.

Like magic, like magic, like magic, gone New magic, new magic, new magic wand

Fear starts to drive himself crazy with the idea of expelling Joy from Headquarters.

My brother said I'm on the spectrum Don't call me selfish, I hate sharin' This 60/40 isn't working I want 100 of your time, you're mine

The other emotions are disturbed by this conflict, even though much of it manifests through passive aggression on Fear’s part, at least in the beginning. Fear desires more influence of both Riley and Joy. And he wants Joy to himself.

Please don't leave me now Please don't leave me now (don't leave)

Ayo, take one look in the mirror, implications so clear I live life with no fear, except for the idea that one day you won't be here

Fear is very conflicted about what to do. What he wants.

I will not fetch the ball, eyes are green I eat my vegetables It has nothing to do with that broad, but if it did, guarantee she'd be gone, well

The other emotions strongly suspect that Fear is starting to experience highly dangerous inner turmoil. They don’t know what to do.

The only one who doesn’t notice is Joy.

WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK>?!??!

[mclmora]

✧ 5 dl boys - headcanons pt 2 ✧

~NOTE: i have readed @cyrilvows on my dl post & couldn’t find the words to THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. you made my day, literally, the only way i can thank u for being so nice is writing these!!! (つ╥ ╥)つ *biggest virtual hug eversjshsi* hope u enjoy!! they’re all SFW, and the pics used aren’t mine! ct to the respective owners on pinterest. xoxoxo, Mora

ꞝ Ayato S.

his body (torso, shoulders & back in particular) has a lot of birthmarks and moles. whenever he gets asked about them he jokes about “y’know the legend that says all your moles are the places you got kissed in your past life? well, i was very lucky!”

has an obsession for cinema. he loves its dim ambience and eating caramel pop-corns while watching all sorts of films.

he can’t tan. like, at all. during summer, whenever he stays for more than 10 minutes under the sun trying to get slightly darker, he gets red as a lobster.

ꞝ Laito S.

he’s a comics reader. he likes DC & marvel a lot! his favorite character is deadpool, he finds him to be hilarious.

loves vans shoes with all his heart. especially the black & white checkered slip-ons. he dresses a lot like a skater boy, wearing oversized hoodies & ripped jeans with small chains on its sides.

his biggest fear are needles. he passes out at the mere thought of blood analysis.

ꞝ Kanato S.

is a toys collector. dolls, peluches, action figures, everything. he particularly loves monster high, lalaloopsy & my little pony.

likes melanie martinez a lot. his favorite album is crybaby, and his favorite song is “carousel”. he loves her creepy lyrics and tranquil bases.

he cosplays! and he’s great at it. especially dark lolita dresses, suit him amazingly.

ꞝ Reiji S.

is a fan of literature, russian one precisely. he reads around 30 books per year, and a good percentage are regarding this theme.

can speak so many languages. 7 to be exact: japanese, english, russian, korean, chinese, german, french. he’s perfectly fluent in all in of them.

he’s vegetarian & also celiac. he has to follow a strict diet with gluten-free foods since he was born, and doesn’t like meat. he loves fish though.

ꞝ Kou M.

an otaku since his early years. he grew up with sailor moon, lady oscar & other shojos that he still loves. the one he’s most attached to is kodomo no omocha.

has a septum piercing! he likes golden/rose golden jewelry and has so many pieces, since he likes to change it every 2 months. (he does favor a small golden ring, OR a classic pink balls septum)

has an addiction to strawberry flavored milk. along with vanilla pastries. and haribo gummies, too.

✧ (u guys can find the other boys in this post!)

~i really hope you liked these, tbh i wasn’t planning on writing dl headcanons about the other boys but u motivated me so much!!! and, AGAIN, THANK YOU SO MUCHWKEHWLDN ILY

[kaylorstree]

TTPD Gaylor Lyric Analysis

Because there are so many songs, I’m only analysing the gayest ones.

SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG TO POST THIS!!!!!!

But Daddy I Love Him

Possibly Taylor’s gayest song EVER.

‘These people only raise you to cage you’

A lot of this is about her team, handlers and parents wanting her to stay closeted.

‘These people try to save you because they hate you’

This references judgemental religious people, to whom if she ever came out would want to save her, and pray for her, out of faux concern.

‘Sarahs and Hannahs in their Sunday best’

Again, religious Bible names, but also could reference American conservatives.

‘Told my parents and they came around’

This has to be about being gay. I really doubt her parents wouldn’t have a HUGE problem or be able to influence her that much in terms of problematic men, since she has dated many previously, such as John Mayer and Jake Gylenhall.

‘Tell him to floor it through the fences’

This references Getaway Car, but I also think it references the YNTCD fences, and the other fence meme.

‘I’d rather burn my whole life down’ Dating a man would never ‘burn down’ her entire life.

Down Bad

‘Crying at the gym’

Taylor and Karlie went to the gym all the time. There is so much photographic evidence of this.

Side note (which I think I have previously posted about): I’ve always found it odd how they would be so dressed up for the gym, particularly Taylor. It makes me think they were having lunch or hanging out in secret, for some privacy from the paparazzi maybe?

‘Like I just lost my twin’

Do I really need to elaborate this line?

‘Fuck it if I can’t have him’

I genuinely see no way Taylor couldn’t date any man she really wanted. The only way she REALLY couldn’t have someone would have to be a HUGE reason.

‘Did you take all my old clothes, just to leave me here naked and alone?’

A man wouldn’t take a woman’s clothes, Also, Taylor and Karlie shared a load of clothes back in the day.

Guilty As Sin?

The religious undertones continue, along with the references to heaven and angels.

‘Written mine on my upper thigh, only in my mind’

‘What if the way you hold me, is the thing that’s holy’

‘Without touching his skin, how can I be guilty as sin’

Surely it isn’t a sin by any standards to THINK about having sex with a man? But a woman, YES.

‘I keep my longest locked, in lower case inside a vault’.

This was suggest she has repressed longings she needs to hide, but also suggests ‘loml’ and ‘iwannagetyouback’ are important to listen to and decipher.

Fresh Out The Slammer

‘Fresh out the slammer, I’m running back home to you’

This suggests being imprisoned or trapped. To consider a 6 year relationship as being a prison would be offensive to Joe, but would make sense if this was just another fake relationship she’s trapped in until she can finally be with the person she has been waiting for.

Clara Bow

‘You look like Stevie Nicks, in ‘75, the hair and lips’

At first I didn’t understand why this reference jumped out at me- I then realised that there was this tweet comparing Karlie to Steve Nicks’ ex, Linsday Buckingham.

‘You look like Clara Bow in this life, remarkable’

She sings about women and their features throughout this song.

‘Half moonshine, full eclipse’

Karlie is always referred to the sunshine, hiding the sun would be an eclipse.

Peter

‘In closets like cedar, preserved from when we were just kids’

‘You said you were gonna grow up, then you were gonna come find me’

This suggests waiting for someone when they can finally be together.

‘As the men masqueraded, I hope you’d return’

Men masquerading suggests acting or pretending, just as her beards have been until she can be in a real relationship with the person she actually wants to be with.

iwannagetyouback

‘Wait til you fix your face’

Only a girl would need to fix their face. This also aligns with The 1975 song ‘Girls’, the one that was playing when Taylor and Karlie famously kissed.

‘Curse you out, or pull you into the closet’

I mean, again, when does someone ever literally pull some into a closet? Only figuratively.

Chloe Or Sam Or Sophia Or Marcus

The premise of the song is talking about someone bisexual. It’s impossible to decipher it any other way.

So, she’s outing and implicating one of her previous boyfriends which would be EXTREMELY problematic.

On the other hand, if she was singing about a bisexual woman, that would make sense. There is less stigma surrounding bisexual women compared to men, by some extent.

The Prophecy

‘Don’t want money, just someone who really loves me’

Again, this doesn’t make sense to attribute to a man. Why would she lose money by being in a relationship? Only if it was incredibly controversial, like a queer one.

Also, ‘The Prophecy’ suggests that this is the way things have to be, have been and will be. However, if she changes this it will not be expected for others in the future.

‘I got cursed like Eve got bitten’

‘Was it punishment?’

This alludes once again to sin and religious imagery, but also about how being LGBT can feel like a curse or something unwanted.

‘Looked to the sky’

This suggests God is responsible for the prophecy itself.

‘Pat around when I get home’ alludes to crime and accusations. Perhaps growing up her family were maybe onto her concerning where she’s been and who she’s been with.

Who’s Afraid Of Little Old Me?

‘You don’t get to tell me about sad’

‘You wouldn’t last a year in the asylum where they raised me’

As discussed online, Taylor didn’t grow up with any particular trauma or a bad childhood by any stretch of the imagination. However, the concept of her being closeted on a global scale, to constantly having to lie in order to keep her livelihood is pretty traumatic in my opinion.

A lot of people wouldn’t be able to survive that.

Please tell me what your interpretations are! 🌼🌈

[barrenclan]

I was about to say ‘maybe Malmo would suit Barrenclan’ but uh Rainhaze isn’t looking too hot and youch

ANYWAYS I think the song Malmo by Moon might suit Barrenclan as I mentioned before, specifically the popular part (it’s always the popular part)

Three of us sleep next to three others

(Not sure who it’d match)

It's hot and we rot in this oven

(referring to Barrenclan’s environment)

Now there's something about the language

(followed by next part, but maybe Rainhaze about the welcoming of death or injury in Defiance)

Something about these people

(Pinepaw with the new scar or maybe Corm or maybe Rain. I think they could all decently match??)

That look an awful lot like me

(Same as before, Pinepaw with the new scar or maybe Corm or maybe Rain. maybe even talking about Slug right now too)

I'm surprisingly accepting of this discomfort

(Why I said Rain is at this point (right before death but close enough) is because he didn’t seem to mind it anymore)

But I'm not trying to be much of a person right now

(don’t know)

I'm just trying to get some sleep

(Pine with the nightmares and now grief. also with the shock.)

Not sure if these actually match but they seem close enough and I’m very tired anyways OH MY RAIN HOLY BDDBXBBBDB

Wow, Paul Dano is in this band? That's cool. I like your analysis of the lyrics!

Why it's an absolute classic! In terms of characters I think it fits Deepdark a bit better than Rainhaze, though.

Do I even need the lyrics for I Can't Decide?

ANOTHER classic! I like this one sort of swapping off between Slugpelt and Rainhaze, where he's trying to get her to come back to him in their youth, but now it's flipped the other way.

Achilles, Achilles, Achilles, come down Won't you get up off, get up off the roof? You're scaring us and all of us, some of us love you

The self is not so weightless, nor whole and unbroken Remember the pact of our youth Where you go, I'm going, so jump and I'm jumping Since there is no me without you

This one's been suggested a couple times, but I still really like it with Slugpelt, so here it is again.

I don't this it has! Ah, I recognize it from IncuriousCat, of course. They're very popular on this blog it seems. Rainhaze is a good character for song about making bad deals.

I'ma make a deal with the bad wolf So the bad wolf don't bite no more

My enemy is a friend of mine in a friendly place to be seen, hey You know I'll run away for a couple years just to prove I've never been free

Has Ride the Cyclone has a re-emergence? I feel like I've seen it a lot lately. It's nice to have a song with old BarrenClan anyways, before all the tragedy and drama.

What the world needs Is people like me To keep it all spinning around I'm the mover, I'm the shaker, I'm the headline-maker

He put it into words, and it's plain to see We need a little less of them A little more of me!

Yeah, I think you could chuck this in a Rainhazeward direction!

All this time, I've felt like my time to go would arrive That it can't last forever; I've been decaying Moldy scaffolding, ritual strangling No matter what I try, I seem to stay alive

My body should be cold The eyes of maggots gazing through to my soul I left so long ago Behind me are the tears I couldn't control

HOORAY! I'm a big Pink Floyd fan. It'd be so cool to see a "Trial" scene with him as Pink and all the other characters as the other roles.

Day after day, the love turns gray Like the skin of a dying man And night after night, we pretend it's all right But I have grown older, and you have grown colder And nothing is very much fun any more

Oooh, Bauhaus! Also a big fan of them. That's a good alternate voice claim for Deepdark, too.

Thank you, it is! I'm always taking more song asks, of which I have got quite a few. I'm glad you like the comic!

May you die wide awake With a look of great surprise May your eyes be taken just Before you can weep As you see what you stole stolen from you <- yuuuup rainhaze

Aww, that makes me sad. But it does fit well with them.

I dreamt I found you hanging I didn't know what it meant Your eyes would follow me through Everywhere I went

The window on the fifth floor Shattered as you wept What am I witnessing? What stories have you kept?

Damn ran outta links, I thought I got it this time

[beemovieerotica]

Hadestown is NOT bad explain yourself this instant

ok so. it felt very concept album, like it still had a ways to go until it was a fully fledged production. they had the idea of the railroad station and the whole mining town aesthetic, but it was kind of window dressing to the story and didn't really mean much beyond imparting vibes and accompanying the genre of music they chose.

there was the whole theme of industry and greed from hades which i guess was an attempt to create political relevance but it didn't fit snugly anywhere? we're supposed to just understand that hades is a bad man who is doing bad things because he's bad - and then this creates the predicaments that eurydice and persephone find themselves in.

so basically the industry & modernization didn't have a purpose in itself, it was just a set-up for other things to happen narratively. i don't think they had to stick with the original myth or anything like that at all, they can make hades whomever they want, but i feel like i had to fill in the gaps in my head for all the character motivations to understand why they were doing the things they did. the hades / eurydice bit just happened and then was never addressed again, it seemed like something they threw in just to say "look, the capitalist boss also uses people for sex" - again, just to make a point to the audience but it didn't mean anything in the story.

so it did click with "oh! hades is creating warmth and brightness down below because he misses persephone's warmth and brightness, but he's doing it in a way that is harsh and glaring and deeply misguided and destructive, and it deprives the surface of trees and it pollutes the living things that persephone cares so much about, so he's ultimately driving her away by trying to replace her..." but they...did not explore that. they did not get into the deeper meaning and themes behind what was happening in either song or dialogue. i found myself kind of taken out by some of the lyrics just at the simplicity / cliche, i was wondering if it would go deeper at all and it really didn't for me. and then persephone and hades made up instantly at the end? just with a hand hold and a couple of meaningful words / looks? like there was so much potential to have some gut punch moments of meaning and heartache and reconciliation between them, and it just didn't transpire, like they ran out of time at the end.

so they seemed to have gotten halfway through developing the characters; all i know about eurydice is that she was cold and hungry. and hungry and cold. orpheus was a little bit more of a person at least in terms of making him a "head in the clouds" character, but they wanted to use shortcuts to just get to the love story without spending time on it. i get that inclination because, yeah on one hand it's a classical myth and we can accept that they just fell in love and all of it unfolded from there...but if you're going to stage it and make a musical at all, then why not explore how they fell in love, who they were, and what they actually meant to each other? there was no dimension to it and it just relied on the audience's acceptance of "this is how things happened in the myth."

i'm not completely sure what was going on with the wall other than it being another appeal to topical politics---and i don't like pedantry in media analysis BUT they chose to craft all of this in a deliberate way and they established multiple times that their world worked this way, so i have to ask the question: if there are supernatural forces that keep people from going in and out of hell on a whim.........what's the point?

like they were hovering between the subtext of "shhh this is actually busywork to convince the people that their labor is valuable" and "actually we want to keep people from trying to leave because it sucks here" with the latter contradicting their established rules of the world; all while hades is textually saying "we don't want people taking what we have" but people COULD just kill themselves to get down there anyway and be allowed through the wall. which eurydice did. which all dead people get to do. which makes me circle back to the conclusion of, yeah, some of these songs / plot devices got thrown in as a "this is so relevant wink wink hi audience" moment rather than actually enriching or making sense in the world of the story.

specifically for the broadway production, i can count on one finger the number of times the set was used in an interesting way [the crack in the wall]. it was very black box theater and i'm not opposed to minimalism, but it only works if there's something very engaging and compelling going on with the characters and the performances themselves, and a lot of the blocking & dancing was just not...interesting to look at. they moved chairs and tables around. god i would have loved if the final moment between orpheus and eurydice actually used the original lines where they say "You looked back" / "I missed you" like it would have meant something but they just had this weird tendency throughout to not lean into full emotional dialogue.

tldr; i think the vibes and intentions were good but it was messy narratively and the depth of character development and songwriting wasn't there for me. i think the Fates served cunt at every turn and i loved them, though i would have liked them to be used much more to really deliver those gut punches i was expecting but didn't get from the story. i'm a snob. sorry.

[bamjammy]

My Billford friends. I present you: Will Wood. This is song is them. Not up for debate, thanks and I’m correct. Analysis below. Also TBOB spoilers probably

This is a lyric by lyric analysis about why this song is them. Most of (if not all of the song) is Bill’s perspective in my mind, Will Wood definitely captures his weird chaotic energy. Not every lyric matches. That’s ok, I’m just gonna skip those. The song is still them. Lyrics will be in quotes, analysis will be in parentheses and also a different color.

“Why do you wanna kill me?”

(I also hear this as “what are gonna do, kill me?” sometimes cause it’s a little hard to understand him. I feel like both fit a bitter/cocky Bill talking to Ford in the pyramid)

“Say you're still her, the woman you were, and you haven't turned into someone who never could love me again”

(Ok obviously Ford is not a woman, we can just ignore that part. The point of the lyric is the narrator, in this case Bill, wanting reassurance that he is still loved, I feel like this would be more subconscious on Bill’s part, but that denial is absolutely palpable during weirdmaggedon/TBOB)

“'Cause you never broke my heart, no, you fixed it, and now it works, but only enough just to suffer that hurt. Whoa-oh-oh-oh”

(Ok I fucking love this line especially in this context. This is literally their entire dynamic like, c’mon. Bill, up to the point of meeting Ford, had been manipulating people all throughout human history. It really feels like Ford is the first one he got so deeply attached too, so much so that he would want to convince him to join him in ruling over everything as an agent of chaos. Ford was captivated by Bill the moment he met him, believing him to be a higher power capable of provisioning him with what he needs. As their relationship progresses they sort of have a reversal of roles, Ford comes to despise Bill and fear him, Bill comes to be obsessed with Ford. He NEEDS him. God I love this line)

“What can I say to convince you to slip back into my arms again? I won't do you no harm again. Let me tell you that I'm sorry and that-”

(I don’t think Bill would ever say sorry out loud unless it was specifically to be manipulative, but after reading TBOB there is clear regret at losing Ford. Even if it’s not remorse you can tell he wishes he’d gone about things differently even though he refuses to admit it. Also the “slip back into my arms again” thing, again I associate with him trying to convince Ford to join him in weirdmaggedon.)

“I'm just a little bit crazy about you, Just a little bit out of my mind, Just a little insane without you”

(Bill’s always been a little insane by nature of who he is, but he goes to such extremes to get Ford to stay with him (see TBOB missing journal pages) and then STILL tries to convince him during weirdmaggedon after he’d already been rejected and despised. He makes him CRAZY. It’s kind of sad)

“Please come back and be just a little bit mine- Just a little bit mine”

(He wants him back soooooo bad it’s really just pathetic at this point)

“I never thought, and if I did, I forgot while blacked out in love”

(I don’t think Bill thinks through much of what he does to Ford in those desperate moments if at all. They’re just that- desperate. Can also be interrupted as Bill possessing Ford, when he “blacks out” and finds himself harmed or in danger, he obviously can’t remember those moments when Bill takes over. Bill interrupts this as “blacked out in love” either to justify it to himself or to convince himself Ford still loved him. I think that’s a fun interpretation)

“That what's only starting would've come to an end but now, I'm hungover and hung out to dry, and I'm giving it time”

(Time passes faster for Bill, it should feel like a blip in his life but it consumes him. The “hungover” part, see TBOB “Losing Sixer”. It’s the best page)

“Does not knowing the truth turn my words into lies? Whoa-oh-oh-oh”

(I could see him absolutely trying to play dumb in last ditch attempt to get Ford to trust him again. Fucking loser lmao)

“What can I say to convince you or do to make you agree with me?”

(Again, desperate. See all my previous allusions to the weirdmaggedon scene)

“I don't need you to be with me, Just try to remember what you'd see in me”

(I feel like this line could be a breaking point for Bill, where he’s desperately grasping at anything to make Ford continue his work, including harming, threatening him, etc. I know a lot of these lines have come back to the same thing but it’s just. The vibes, y’know? I feel like this is specifically the part where Bill tries to call Stan, which scares Ford into actually reaching out to him, Bill inadvertently causing his own demise. That’s from TBOB btw. I warned you about spoilers)

(Cut the chorus since I already analyzed it)

“I'll be here singing 'til our heartbeats might slip back into that rhythm again”

(Bill waiting for the right moment to strike. The moment Ford steps out of the portal Bill sees an opportunity, he’s done biding his time. You feel me?)

“Whether it is or isn't the end, Who cares? God knows that I could use a friend!”

(Bill is living in so much denial it’s suffocating. I mean, it’s not even just Ford, it’s his whole life. He’s in denial about how people in his home dimension treated him, he’s in denial about the fact that he’s not all powerful, he’s in denial about how similar he is to humans, and he’s in denial about Ford not loving him (and also in denial about Loving Ford). There is no end because he refuses to accept it, but then tries to brush it off like he doesn’t care, because he’s in denial about caring. My boy, YIKES!!!)

Cut the rest of the song cause it’s just the chorus again but longer. Anyway yeah the point of this is Bill is a desperate freaky ex with weirdo Will Wood energy, Will Wood’s music is good and I love it and you should listen to him if you haven’t, and I’m not normal about them and their weird fucking dynamic. Enjoy and eat well my strange creatures

[defectivevillain]

judgment by the hounds

pairing: Loki Laufeyson & Reader (can be read as platonic or romantic; reader's race is ambiguous and gender/pronouns are unspecified)

summary:

Loki is captured and held in S.H.I.E.L.D. captivity. However, he doesn’t attempt to break free right away. Instead, he bides his time by waiting for something—or, more accurately, someone.

You’re an FBI agent called in by S.H.I.E.L.D. to interrogate their newest prisoner, Loki Laufeyson.

word count: 5.6k | ao3 version

warnings: blood, injury & gore typical to SotL; manipulation & mind games

I thought about writing this as I was reading Silence of the Lambs — I imagined questioning Loki & having a similar dynamic with him during his temporary imprisonment. There aren’t any explicit references to SoL in here, but I wanted to include it as a fandom tag because Hannibal & Clarice’s dynamic really inspired this fic.

This is not canon compliant, and there will likely be some discrepancies. Just pretend this is an alternate timeline. :>

The title of this fic is from I’m Your Man by Mitski. The lyrics “I’ll meet judgment by the hounds… People always gave me love… Others were never to blame after all… You believe me like a god, I’ll betray you like a man” felt pretty relevant to this fic.

The reader is racially ambiguous, gender is ambiguous, and pronouns aren't used. warnings: canon-typical violence and gore (typical to SotL)

thanks anna (@pinocchiospissrock) for the beta! (any remaining mistakes are mine.) luv u and so excited to see u soon!!!! <333

If you told your younger self that your criminal investigative work would earn you a conversation with the legendary Nick Fury, the Director of S.H.I.E.L.D., your younger self would have laughed. The mere thought would be preposterous. Fury is the face of the entire organization, and the founder of the Avengers! What would a mere FBI agent like yourself do to even earn a moment with him, let alone a full conversation? 

Apparently, you’re becoming somewhat renowned for your investigative work. You’ve always avoided the press—otherwise you would have noticed your name cropping up in cases with big profiles in the public eye. You would’ve noticed that you were slowly starting to get more and more credit for your accomplishments; you would’ve been able to connect the dots between Nick Fury—desperate for information and willing to do anything to get it—and you—an FBI agent rising in the ranks for important work with the Behavioral Analysis Unit and Jack Crawford. 

Despite these recognitions, however, you can’t quite believe that you’re being flown to the S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters in New York City to speak with Nick Fury. Truly, this feels like some kind of fever dream. As you’re escorted through the high-level security installments on the ground floor of the building, you can’t shake the feeling that you’re not meant to be here. This must be some kind of mistake, you’re thinking to yourself, even as you’re given a visitor ID badge. You’re led into a glass elevator that rises to the twentieth floor, through a cold stone hall and even more security installments. Eventually, you come face-to-face with a nondescript wooden door. The security guard knocks on the door and opens it for you, revealing a clean and modern space with black leather furniture and an array of windows (bulletproof and likely very durable) overlooking the street below. There is a figure seated at the grand desk in the center of the room. Nick Fury looks up at the sudden disturbance, his brown eye immediately assessing your form before moving to the guard in the doorway. He nods and the guard steps out of the room, closing the door behind them. 

“Agent, have a seat,” Fury offers. It’s an order, not a simple statement. You comply immediately and Fury raises an eyebrow. For a long moment, tension settles in the air as Nick Fury unsubtly scrutinizes you. Fury puts a contemplative hand on his chin and stares at you. Despite the eye patch covering his left eye, his menacing gaze is enough to send a shiver down your spine. 

“I’m sure you’re wondering why you’re here,” Fury remarks vaguely. You nod. “I need you to do something for me.” You raise an eyebrow. When he continues, any confidence you gained from the notion of him requesting something of you promptly fades from existence. He tells you about a god with a penchant for mischief that borders on cruelty—about a devastating attack on New York City that left thousands injured and hundreds dead. You had heard about the attack on the news, but you had too much going on to truly process what you were seeing. Fury tells you that this trickster, a Norse god by the name of Loki, is currently in S.H.I.E.L.D.’s most secure containment. It’s clear S.H.I.E.L.D. is desperate for information, otherwise they wouldn’t be bringing you in for something like this—this is far above your pay grade. Norse gods were never mentioned in your training at Quantico.

“Loki has been largely uncooperative,” Fury continues, immune to the emotional whiplash you’re currently experiencing. “We needed to try a different approach.” He looks at you after that. “And we need more information. Can I count on you to do this?” You take a slow breath in. Do you really have a choice? 

“Yes, sir,” you respond. Fury regards you for another second, before evidently deciding that your answer is satisfactory. He then hands you a device, which appears to be a pass that allows you entrance into the high-security cells. It’s an effective dismissal. You take it and murmur a word of thanks, before stepping out of the room. With the security guard’s guidance, you’re able to learn the location of the high-security prison and you take another elevator ride. When the doors ding, a giant metronome sounds off in your head. You can’t go back now, you think to yourself as you cross the threshold of the elevator and step towards the reinforced metal door with a fingerprint and retinal scanner. You glance at the guard, who nods and urges you to continue. Somehow, in the brief time that you spoke with Fury, your information must've been registered in the system—as your name appears on screen after it scans your finger. You then lean down and allow the machine to scan your retina, before a blue light flashes once. You frown at the door, before seeing a screen flashing on the left side. You press the pad Fury gave you to the screen and the door clicks, swinging open ominously.  

You take a step forward and leave the door open, expecting for the guard to follow you. They shoot you a disbelieving look and take a step backwards, letting the door fall shut. You’re left alone in a hallway reminiscent of a steel prison. As you slowly walk down the narrow path between iron bars, you feel hard gazes boring into your very skin. Someone jeers at you. You keep walking until you reach the solitary cell at the end of the hall. For the first time since entering the space, you allow yourself to look up—only to look into the glimmering green eyes of Loki Laufeyson. 

Safe to say, Fury neglected to mention that Loki would be the single most intimidating individual you’ve ever had the misfortune and displeasure to meet. Staring at him through the thick walls of glass, you’re suffocated with a sudden, intense dread. Even if Fury hadn’t given you any background on him, you’re sure you still would’ve been able to surmise this man’s maleficence and cruelty. He has long dark hair, sharp features, and a positively malevolent grin on his face. 

“Hello,” you murmur guardedly. The thick walls of glass aren’t enough to ensure you of your safety—that attentive gaze cuts straight through your skin and sinks deep into the bone. The god raises an eyebrow at you, pausing for a moment to allow you the opportunity to turn tail and run away. You very nearly take the gifted opportunity, before you remember that information on the invasion could save lives.

“Are you lost?” Loki asks, regarding you with as much respect as someone regards a pebble beneath their feet. Your hands are ever so slightly trembling from your sides and you stuff your hands in your pockets, suddenly feeling the need to keep yourself occupied. 

“No,” You eventually reply. You decide to introduce yourself, before raising your eyebrows at the god in return. You resist the urge to ask him to introduce himself. You know who he is, and you would likely end up insulting him with the question anyway. Unfortunately, you’re going to have to be very careful around him. The slightest word or provocation would lose the information for good. Why are you being called in for this, again?

“What could possibly have possessed Fury to send a mere agent such as yourself to speak with me?” The god questions, echoing your very own thoughts. You take a deep breath and try to steel your nerves. 

“I’m a criminal investigator,” you respond, once your tongue is no longer ironed to the roof of your mouth. “I’ve spent most of my life studying how criminal types think and what motivates them. I want to ask you a few questions.”

“Interesting,” Loki hums. He doesn’t seem the least bit intrigued; rather, he appears incredibly bored. “And you think this Midgardian experience is enough to grant you a conversation with me? You know nothing of who I am and what I am capable of.” 

You want to be surprised, but you expected something along those lines. A brief white-hot fury overtakes you as you remember the tension in Fury’s shoulders, the withdrawn tone in his voice, how he seemed to expect you to fail. Everyone is expecting you to fail. “I know enough,” you respond, before you can contemplate the consequences of doing so.  In truth, Fury had given you Loki’s file earlier. He also left you with a few words of warning. You manage to tear yourself away from your conversation with Fury and focus on what you viewed in Loki’s file. The information comes to mind within seconds. “You caused quite the scene in Germany. I suspect that was the intention.” There is no acknowledgement that he’s even listening to you, save for the intense gaze that seems to be dissecting you for his own amusement. 

The words slip from your tongue before you can stop them. “You’re the adopted son of Odin and Frigga, and the brother of Thor. Your real father is Laufey, the Frost Giant King. You’re the God of Mischief. And you’re a constant thorn in the side of the Avengers and Nick Fury.”

“Those are just the facts,” you conclude. You’re met with nothing but silence. There’s an undercurrent of expectation in the air, as if he’s waiting for you to continue. You grit your teeth. Somehow, you have his attention now. It would be best if you didn’t lose it. “As for my first impressions… You’re manipulative, obviously. Cunning and clever. Selfish, extremely controlling. You derive pleasure from other people’s pain. You enjoy being the chessmaster—manipulating your pawns and discarding them the moment they’ve fulfilled their purpose.”

“Beneath all that, you’re frighteningly human. Jealousy, envy, a visceral desire for Odin’s approval, and a thirst for power… You delight in your darkest urges and scorn any of the ones that come close to resembling even a hint of genuine emotion.”

“Now will you answer my questions?” You finish. 

Loki’s head is down now. His shoulders are shaking and for a second, you think he’s crying. Then he raises his head, revealing a twisted grin on his face. “No one has possessed the courage to talk to me in such a manner in millenia,” the god remarks, his hands clasped behind his back. He takes a step forward and inspects you through the glass. You remember your fear from earlier. “Who are you, exactly?”

“I’ve already told you,” you answer. You’ve done this song and dance before, and you have enough experience to know nothing good comes from giving a criminal your name. In the few rare instances in which it seemed that they simply wouldn’t give in, you would give a fake name. You weren't foolish enough to try that with the God of Mischief, though. “Besides, that doesn’t matter. I’m here for information.” You repeat for what feels like the umpteenth time. 

“Oh, I’m well aware,” Loki says, studying you with scrutiny. Your skin crawls. Everything about this feels like a horrible idea. Not for the first time, you question why you were called in for this assignment. “I’m not allowed visitors otherwise—on account of the last one being found in his home with his throat slit.” There’s another flash of amusement in his eyes. 

“Fun,” you remark flatly. Your heart is racing out of your chest, but you know not to show your apprehension. Fear is Loki’s game. “Seriously, though. I assume you want to get out of here in the next millennium.” You remark. 

“Au contraire,” Loki replies. It takes you a few seconds to process what he says, and several more seconds to recall the translation: ‘On the contrary.’ You wait patiently for the god to continue.  “You don’t really think I’ll be released, do you? And don’t bother pretending otherwise—you don’t have the power or authority to make promises here.”

“I’m not sure why you’re entertaining conversation with me in the first place, then,” you reason. You feel lost in this conversation, admittedly. It’s taking an unhealthy amount of mental energy to keep yourself afloat in these verbal traps.

“Maybe I’m bored,” Loki drawls. In the fluorescent lighting beaming down on him, he looks every bit as royal as he is rumored to be. “Maybe I’m waiting for you to let your guard down, for your mental defenses to fade away and corrode into nothingness before my control slips into your psyche, forcing you to be a spectator as I pilot your body and mind.”

You stare at him for a moment, heart hammering away in your chest. Somehow, it’s that sentiment that cements the reality of the situation. You’re not qualified enough for whatever the hell this is. You’ve interrogated loads of criminals before, but they’ve never posed a legitimate physical and mental threat to you in the same manner that Loki does. You find yourself genuinely fearing for your safety as you stare at Loki’s glittering green eyes. 

As your heart races and you take a few steps backwards, you catch a sudden blur in your peripheral vision, before you’re struck with white-hot pain that flares up the left side of your face. You blink dazedly and bring a hand up to your left cheek, only to find blood splattered across your skin. There’s a jagged fragment resting on the floor near your foot—evidently the cause of the wound. You turn to the left, only to find the man from before clutching at the bars of his cell with ferocity—a crazed look in his eyes as he stares at you. Your gaze then falls to the porcelain toilet in the corner of his cell, with a notable chunk missing. That must’ve been where he got the shard. The side of your face is burning, hot blood trickling down your cheek. You press the back of your hand to the wound in a futile attempt to stop the bleeding. Unsurprisingly, the wound doesn’t magically heal or stop bleeding. You grimace and set off down the hallway, intending to leave and find a first-aid kit. Just as your palm flattens on the door, Loki says your name. 

You pause, your cheek stinging. You feel Loki’s gaze at your back and you know you probably don’t have the luxury to continue walking away. Yet… you can’t bear to turn around. You open the door and walk away, unaware of the furious expression on Loki’s face. The security guard’s eyebrows climb up their face as they see the blood trickling down your face, but you simply hand them the keypad and walk away. 

You have nothing in lieu of information and a fresh, jagged cut on your cheek. You don’t expect to be called to the high-security cells again any time soon—not after that complete and utter failure. You leave S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters that day with a bandage on your cheek and wounded pride. The conversation with Loki keeps you up that night in your hotel room, as you turn over every statement in your head. There’s a notable disconnect between Loki’s words and his actions. Furthermore, if he’s truly so powerful, then why is he still contained? You know S.H.I.E.L.D. is well-equipped to handle villains, but Loki is a Norse god. Surely he could snap his fingers and transport himself somewhere else? If that’s the case, you can’t help but wonder why he hasn’t escaped yet. 

You avoid work the next few days to fully recover from the physical and mental injuries acquired that day. It’s nice to have some free time, but it is still somewhat dampened by the knowledge that you didn’t get any information from Loki. Fury is going to be, well, furious. 

Safe to say, you don’t expect to see Nick Fury on your doorstep one morning, a troubled expression on his face. You greet him and try to invite him in, but he remains outside. His dissecting gaze flits about your face, searching for something. “It’s been an interesting day, Agent,” he evidently decides to say.  

“How so?” You ask. Fury glances to his left and right, before taking a small step forward and leaning closer. 

“A prisoner in the high security area was murdered,” he murmurs, “He was found in his cell. It seems he was fed his own tongue before he choked and suffocated to death. Miggs. Awful guy, but… we had intended on getting more information from him.” Fury shakes his head. Meanwhile, you’re reeling. There’s no way the victim was the same prisoner who assaulted you earlier. That would be a truly troubling occurrence—one you’re not quite sure you could put down to coincidence. 

“Anyway…  I need you to speak with Loki again.” Fury continues, his expression serious. He raises an eyebrow upon seeing the slight shock that must be showing on your face. “You seem surprised.”

You nod. “I was under the impression that our conversation didn’t go well,” you decide to respond honestly. Fury seems to appreciate the truthfulness, although his eyebrows furrow and he takes a deep breath. 

There’s a beat of silence. “He’s refused to speak with anyone else we’ve sent,” Fury explains, “Since your last visit, he’s been exceptionally…Well. He asked for you specifically.”

What was Fury going to say just then? And, more importantly, did you even hear him correctly? Did Loki really ask to speak with you, even after the tense conversation you had? You’re immediately suspicious. 

“Listen,” Fury breaks off, looking conflicted and resolved all at once. “For whatever reason, he’s different with you. I’m not sure why, but whatever the reason, we need to take advantage. Loki has valuable information about the attack on New York.” 

“In reality, he asked for you a few days ago,” Fury continues, after a few moments of uncomfortable silence. You look over to him in surprise. “I refused. But… since then, he’s been extremely disagreeable—and we’re running out of time.”

“I’ll try to speak with him,” you answer. That’s the best you can promise. You certainly can’t promise that it’ll be a productive conversation, or that you’ll get any information from him. Indeed, the last discussion you had with Loki, it felt as if you were disclosing more information than he was. Still, the prospect seems to be good enough for Fury. 

“Thank you, Agent,” he nods, returning the keycard that grants access to the high security area. You take a deep breath and follow him back to his car, steeling your nerves as the city buildings pass before your vision. Once you reach the headquarters, you walk down the halls and head to the elevators. Fury and you part ways as he gets off the elevator, and he leaves you with a brief nod. 

It only takes a few steps in the hallway of the high-security cells for you to notice that something’s missing. A cell is empty—the same one that Miggs had occupied before. You feel dread coiling in your chest, yet you can’t stop yourself from taking a step closer and getting a better look at the empty cell. There’s blood splattered all across the ground—although it appears as if someone tried to clean it, since it bears a closer resemblance to dark brown than red. The sheets of the mattress are clean and the cell looks entirely untouched, save for the stains across the floor and the noticeable chunk missing from the toilet. 

Your attention is captured by the cell—so much so that you forget your company. “Ah, what a pleasant surprise,” Loki remarks, sending your heart racing as you remember his presence. You take a deep breath and tear your eyes away from the evidence of Miggs’s death. As you break the distance between Loki’s enclosure and you, you can’t help but shake the feeling that he had something to do with the death of Miggs. You don’t have any proof, but the awful feeling stirring in your gut certainly makes you question what you thought you knew. 

Loki clears his throat pointedly and you remember yourself. “You asked for me,” you then answer cautiously. 

“Yes, but I wasn’t sure if Fury would oblige,” Loki drawls, regarding you with mild amusement. You’re not sure what he thinks is entertaining, so you just pretend not to have noticed his smug grin. “He doesn’t seem to care for me much.”

“I’d argue most of us don’t,” you hear yourself blurt out. You really need a better filter, especially in a conversation as important as this one. If you want information from Loki, you’ll have to be nicer to him. Despite that thought, Loki is staring at you with the same amusement as before. There’s no sense that the insult even registered. 

“And yourself?” The god asks, once again reminding you that you’re the one at the mercy of the conversation. You grit your teeth and try to remain calm, despite the overwhelming feelings of inadequacy that threaten to send you down the hall. 

“What about me?” You raise an eyebrow. 

“You said most of us,” Loki says, “Does that include you?”

You don’t bother to dignify that question with a response. “What do you want?” He doesn’t respond and you resist the urge to exhibit any signs of your growing impatience. “You asked to speak with me—I’m assuming you want something.”

“I have information you want,” Loki states, his eyes boring into yours and sending a prickling sensation down your skin. His intense gaze is unnerving, and you feel as if you’re being intensely scrutinized. “You have information I want. I propose a trade.”

You’re not surprised by the remark, save for the idea that you have something he wants. “I’m not quite sure what information I could give you,” you frown, shifting your balance slightly to keep your body occupied. You cross your arms over your chest and pretend you don’t feel entirely vulnerable in front of Loki. 

“I’ll be the one to determine that,” the god says. His next statement is entirely unexpected. “Now, tell me about yourself, your childhood.”

“What?” You choke out. “About myself? I don’t see how that’s relevant.” You break off. Loki’s gaze is focused on you with burning intensity. You take a shuddering breath in and try to summon some information that isn’t dangerous for you to disclose. “I’m a criminal investigator—have been for years. I’m from around here, grew up here.” You end up settling for a mix of ambiguity and omission. Loki seems to pick up on it regardless. 

“Don’t lie to me.” His gaze is dark and dangerous. It suddenly feels as if the temperature dropped in the space around you. You’re pinned under the god’s watchful eyes. “I think I deserve more than that, don’t you?” You can’t find the words to answer. You have, once again, severely underestimated Loki’s capabilities. 

“Very well, then,” Loki murmurs some time later, after it’s clear that you’re unwilling to give him more information. His posture is effortlessly casual, but you know it’s just a façade. “I can start for you. You worked as a criminal investigator for years in your hometown, until you decided to become an FBI agent. With more responsibility came more criminals, and closer calls. Even so, you began to gain notoriety for your cases. Your name appears in more and more press coverage. Meanwhile, Nick Fury grows increasingly frustrated with me, with the lack of information. He sees you on the morning news and finds his perfect solution. He calls you here to New York, tells you that he needs you for this pivotal role. An exaggeration, of course.”

“You agree with his offer—surely, you don’t have any other choice. Meanwhile, Fury promptly forgets your existence, until he needs you once more. A tool in a toolbox is all you are to him. Why else would he send you to me? He doesn’t have faith in your abilities, Agent—he just needs bait.”

You know it’s true, but it still hurts. Truthfully, you had suspected the same thing; something about the Norse god speaking on your thoughts cements them in reality. Indeed, why else would Fury have called you in? There are plenty of high-ranking officials that would’ve been better suited for such a task. 

“You come in here and provoke me,” Loki continues, as if you aren’t even there. He seems entirely in his element as he paces about his cell. “I attack you, then break out of captivity. A group of agents lurks outside to interrupt my eventual escape. The whole thing is laughably predictable, really.” Your eyes widen as you realize just why the security guard lingered outside the door. They aren’t guarding the door—it’s secure enough on its own. They’re guarding you, waiting for you to fail and for Loki to escape. The thought sends a shiver down your spine. 

“And, of course, you have a visceral desire for Fury’s approval,” he continues, repeating what you said to him mere days ago. You feel as if a bucket of ice cold water was just dumped all over you, making you shiver and question everything you thought you knew. Are you really so formulaic? Have you been lured into a false sense of confidence these past few years? You try to grapple with these questions, while the god stares at you. “Am I ‘in the ballpark,’ as you mortals say?” There’s a sharp grin on Loki’s face that deeply unsettles you. 

It takes you several moments to collect your composure and find the words to say. “I think you know you are,” you respond, ignoring your heart pounding out of your chest. It’s unnerving that Loki could glean that much about you in such a short time span. Despite his obvious attempt at mockery, you know that you need to answer his questions if you want information. You keep silent and wait for Loki to continue. 

“Now, you still haven’t given me anything,” Loki reminds you, dispelling any hope that he may have forgotten. You feel extremely restless and steadily avoid his gaze, even when you feel his eyes practically tearing holes through your form. “So, I ask once more: what was your childhood like?”

You can’t afford to argue this time—not if you want information. The glint in Loki’s eyes grows brighter with each tidbit you give him. At his request, you tell him about your past—everything from your childhood home to the relationships you have with your family. Time becomes fickle and you don’t realize you’re oversharing until you glance down at your watch and see that far too much time has passed.  “That’s more than enough,” you interject some time later. You don’t feel as if you can truly grasp the severity of your actions just now. Even so, you know that you’ve given him too much ammunition. You pinch the bridge of your nose, feeling a headache developing. “It’s your turn.”

“Very well,” Loki responds, his lips parting to reveal a crooked smirk. The expression on his face confirms your suspicions that he was planning on continuing the conversation until you stopped him. “I will answer two of your questions.” You feel your heart drop. 

“Two?” You exclaim in disbelief, “You must’ve asked me a hundred just now-”

“I didn’t force you to answer any of my questions,” Loki reasons. Unfortunately, he’s correct in that regard—you should’ve been more wary. You let your guard down and he was content to take advantage of it. “Now, do you want information or not?”

You grit your teeth. Damn it. Two questions is a very insignificant number. You try to remember what Fury told you mere minutes before. “He’s been extremely disagreeable… and we’re running out of time.” You can’t afford to slip up here. 

“Fine,” you say. The look on Loki’s face doesn’t change, but you can still sense arrogance radiating off of him. “Why?” You decide to ask. 

“You’ll have to be more specific,” Loki drawls, continuing to pace about. He looks completely and utterly bored. “Why does one do anything?” You resist an eye roll. 

“Why did you do it?” You rephrase. You don’t need to specify for Loki to understand what you’re referring to: the attack on New York, the Chitauri invasion. Surely, knowing his motivations would help S.H.I.E.L.D. prevent instances like it from happening in the future. Besides, you’re not sure what else to ask. As has been established, you don’t think you’re the best fit for this task of vital importance. 

“I was seeking revenge,” Loki answers without hesitation. His unblinking gaze is beginning to unnerve you. “Is that what you’d like me to say?”

“I’d like you to tell the truth,” you assert, unable to hide some of your irritation. The god picks up on it and smiles infuriatingly, as if your annoyance is entertaining. Perhaps it is entertaining to him. You take a deep breath and remind yourself to keep calm. It would do you no good to get riled up. You have one job: collecting information. 

“The truth,” Loki remarks languidly, tearing you from your thoughts. His answer comes without hesitation. “I was bored.” Boredom. Boredom pushed him to wreak havoc on the city, causing hundreds of casualties and inordinate bloodshed. Loki was motivated by a lack of fulfillment. The thought is extremely disconcerting. On the one hand, you’re not sure what you were expecting. On the other, you had been looking for a more clear-cut, legitimate reason to contextualize his actions. You weren’t planning on excusing his crimes, but if he provided something that seemed to somewhat justify his reaction, you would’ve been able to get more information and also deduce a clear motive to these kinds of attacks. Perhaps that was your error in thinking, though: Loki can’t be a predictor of a pattern. He is wildly unpredictable, and trying to predict him will both waste your time and result in more frustration.

“One more question,” Loki reminds you tauntingly. You grit your teeth, pushing past your irritation. The god seems to enjoy emphasizing the differences between you and him—your mortality, your weakness.  

You try to think a little harder. Admittedly, a particular question has been weighing on your mind throughout most of your interactions, burrowing into your subconscious and refusing to let go. After a few moments, you decide to verbalize it. “Why haven’t you escaped yet?”

The god laughs. “Haven’t I?” Loki asks in response. A shiver rolls down your spine. You watch warily as he takes one step forward, then another. From what you’ve seen, the god will often pace about his cell. However, his current movements make it seem as if he has a purpose, an endgame. Loki’s eyes flash. He takes another step forward and his foot crosses the threshold where the glass is supposed to be. Loki grins and crosses the entirety of the boundary, before looking at you with a truly malicious smile. He’s free from captivity.  

You can’t even take a step backwards before the god is there, extending a hand to your temple and pressing his fingertips past your skin, into your very being. And suddenly, you’re a child again. Everything you told Loki is rushing through your head all at once. You’re trapped in vivid memories. The world around you is blurred with childlike joy and hope. Your surroundings all seem to fall away; despite your knowledge that you aren’t a child anymore, you can’t escape this onslaught of memory that Loki seemed to force on you. 

When Loki removes his hand from your temple, you nearly choke on your breath. There’s an excruciating pain running through your head—strong enough to make you lose your balance. Despite the fact that you’re horribly outmatched, you still try to get away from him. You’re not sure what the God of Mischief wants, but you doubt it’s anything good. This interest—as Fury said—that he’s cultivated in you… It’s dangerous. 

You should be dead right now. Surely, were you any other S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, your corpse would be slowly decaying on the ground in front of you. You heard whispers of what Loki did to some of the agents that spoke to him before you. One of them was directly admitted to a mental hospital—unable to ground themself in reality. The thought shakes you to your core. 

You take another step backwards, only for him to match your retreat with a step forward. Your balance is growing more and more unsteady as you try to fight against the vertigo threatening to send you tumbling. Your vision is oscillating between painful sharpness and indiscernible blurriness. “What do you want from me?” You manage to spit out through the pained haze. 

“Everything.” Loki answers. Before you can push him away, he’s bringing a hand to your temple again. Your mind explodes with energy and you feel your eyelids fluttering shut of their own accord. You try your hardest to remain conscious and you manage to catch glimpses: Loki’s hand slipping from your temple as you fall to the ground, Loki carrying you out of the building. You’re stuck in the recesses of your own mind, with no hope for escape. Eventually, you’re forced to succumb to the darkness lurking in the corners of your vision.

It may strike you all as strange that Loki stays in captivity rather than escaping, but I think I can justify that with a multitude of reasons. First of all, he's immortal—time passes differently for him. While a mortal may agonize at the thought of being trapped in a capsule for an indefinite time, Loki is entirely unbothered by it. He knows that he has the ability to escape; the question then becomes when he will escape, not if he will escape. Second, Loki has a reason to stay: the reader. He is interested in the reader [the nature of this interest is up to you]. He enjoys the conversations they have, especially when they’re under the false guise of him being trapped and in a position of need. The God of Mischief isn’t one to rush things. Anyway, that’s how I justified these choices to myself. *shrugs*

I desperately wanted to add something like this, but I couldn’t find an authentic moment for it… It may seem a little out of character, too… So I’ll throw it here and walk away:

“You should put some ointment on that,” Loki suggests, looking pointedly at the scar on your face. “Don’t Midgardians care about that sort of thing? Quite foolish, in my opinion.” “How is that foolish?” You ask. “Scars are proof of conquest,” Loki responds. “Of course,” you sigh.

[txtssera]

not to have brain rot over a ship from like 6+ years ago but i have the overwhelming urge to do lyric analysis of my love mine all mine by mitski in relation to how jason views nico

[greensagephase]

what made you wanna name the story non-violent communication?

Hiii, nonnie!! Thank you so much for the ask (and also, I'm sorry for the delayed reply! I took off tumblr yesterday)!! 🥰 Thank you for asking this question because I don't think I've ever talked about it before!!

Long story short:

THIS SONG RIGHT HERE!!!!!!!!! 🗣🗣🗣🗣 If you haven't listened to it, pls do!!😭It's one of Miguel's songs and has part of his dialogue at the end of the song before it transitions to "Givin' up (Not The One)" in the album!!! The transition is (in my humble opinion) ✨😭✨😭✨ !!!

If it has a million fans, I'm one of them. If it has one fan, I'm THAT FAN. If it has zero fans, it means I'm no longer on this Earth!!! 😤

This is my fav song from the album!! I'll explain why below the cut! I'm going to give a short (lol, I yapped too much, I gave a whole story time) explanation because I love this song sm 😭 so if you care to read a bit of an analysis on the songs, then proceed, if not, pls disregard the rest lol and thank you for sending this ask!!!

So I first heard the song a day or two before I posted the first chapter to NC, which was late July 2023. I watched the movie in June but I only listened to the songs that I really, really liked (I love all the songs but some a little more than others) that were included in the movie without listening to the full album, so I hadn't listened to this song because Miguel's songs (this one and "Givin' Up (Not The One)") are not included in the film. I only found out about "Givin' Up (Not The One)" because it was all over tiktok lol

So yeah, I listened to the song for the first time a day or two before the first chapter was posted and fun fact, the first chapter I posted for NC was actually nameless lmao!!😭😭 I didn’t know what to title it (I’ve always been bad with titles), so it was just a writing post with no title. I didn't think much of it either because my og plans were for the story to be like 3-4 chapters total (past me would've been shocked I'm still going with the story and that we're 249k ish words in just from the main parts of the story, not counting the one-shots lol).

As I mentioned, I hadn’t heard the entire album yet but after part 1 was posted, I sat down and FINALLY listened to the entire album to appreciate it (I've since then listened to the entire album like a hundred times (Metro Boomin was my #1 artist of 2023���)) and once I listened to it in order, I immediately knew I wanted to title my fic Nonviolent Communication. 🥹❤️

When I heard both of Miguel’s songs right after the other it made something in my brain click.

I felt like it was so, so fitting for what I was trying to achieve with my story, even when I was planning to make the story like 4 chapters long lol.

So my explanation for connecting the song to my fic:

I'm probably going to sound crazy, or like someone who gave the song too much thought but hear me out.

In a way, I felt (and ofc everyone is going to find a different vibe, feeling, or meaning to a song but this was mine) like it was kind of ironic how "Nonviolent Communication" didn't receive much attention like his other song, "Givin' Up (Not The One)" did, which is more... out there (???). It's more like !!!! You know? Like the lyrics themselves and the production are more bold and strong, more “rough” for lack of a better word. Despite it not being in the film like "NC", everyone knows it! Everyone also knows Miguel's dialogue because of it, "But I'm not like the others..." and so on along with his little quote about "being Spider-Man is a sacrifice" at the end of the song.

Then, you have "Nonviolent Communication." It's the second song with the least plays on the album on Spotify (after "Nas" which is another one of my top fav songs from the album), and the lyrics and production are an entire different vibe from the other song!! It's so much more softer and vulnerable, even slower.

You let me fall first, then you dream awake I'd do anything to bring you to that other place We speak so differently alone, love like Vincent we are low Watch for constellations, soft as cloud formations That will never leave, much as duty calls If I'm in over my head, I'll swim Niagara Falls

It still has themes of being Spider-Man but it's not so !!!! like the other song is. It's truly so much more vulnerable and soft, and even has romantic themes included. And at the end of the song we have another part of Miguel's dialogue, that's often disregarded, included, "I'm this dimension's one and only, Spider-Man... At least I was," which I'm always !!!! about because one, his tone for that part is much softer (almost sad), and two, I feel like him no longer being the only Spider-Man in his own dimension goes along with him not feeling like a true Spider-Man, and no longer having this one thing to himself that he can have in common with other spider members.

I could go on about this but this is already so long 😭 but anyway, I think that part is usually disregarded, much like Miguel’s soft side that we don’t get to see a lot of in the film. We’re given very little of soft Miguel and the majority is him being angry, stressed out, scared, and frustrated (rightfully so) with what’s happening.

So, hearing both songs, I felt like they represent two sides of Miguel. One that is more direct, bold, and rough, maybe even “violent.” It’s the side that’s most known to probably all the spider people and fans alike. Some people only see Miguel as an angry man that’s determined to protect the multiverse and sacrifice anything, since he’s already given up so much.

But then there’s the side of him less known (less seen), one that we didn’t see much of but that many of us picked up on. He has a soft side despite being through a lot, and has a lot of love and care to give. He’s a man that’s capable of having nonviolent communication, someone who can fall first, speak differently with someone when he’s alone with them, and be willing to do anything to “bring” that person “to the other place” - while still being Spider-Man and sticking to his duty that comes with such title but not sacrificing those very things.

So yeah, I heard the songs and it just clicked. “Nonviolent Communication” to me is the soft side of Miguel that we don’t get to see much in ATSV, but it’s still there. And so, I decided that it was the perfect title for my fic because of my interpretation of the song and my goal with the fic: show Miguel’s soft and vulnerable side that I so desperately hope we get to see more of in BTSV (I am begging the writers to do Miguel justice!!!!!!!).

I hope this made sense, maybe as I mentioned earlier, I’ve given too much thought to this (I’m an overthinker) but that’s my version and I love the song SO MUCHH!!! It was my most heard song in 2023, so I guess that says a lot :)

If you read this far, thank you so much!! I definitely talked too much but I seriously love Miggy and this song so much and I always get so emotional listening to it lmao 😭 but yeah, thank you for the ask, nonnie!!! I hope you're having a great day/night!!!🥺🥰

-Alondra❤️

[r44d]

song analysis for bashslash 💗 ( for @shesttyy )

~ all of the girls you loved before (taylor swift; single: a.o.t.g.y.l.b)

; this song is about Taylor saying she is better than all of the exes of her current partner ( lyrics : “every woman that you knew brought you here. I wanna teach you how forever feels”. “All of the girls you loved before. But I love you more” ). it's a love letter to them. A love letter to all of those who have shaped her lover to who they are now, and how they love her as a whole. ( lyrics : “Your past and mine are parallel lines. Stars all aligned and they intertwined. And taught you. The way you call me, “baby.” Treat me like a lady.” ). Unlike any of her other songs, she feels security in her relationship instead of jealousy. This relationship is secure, and all of her partner’s exes brought them together. ( lyrics : “Every dead-end street led you straight to me” ). This song was believed to be about Joe Alwyn, as at the time of release they were going strong (7 year anniversary).

: tying back in with the idea of Dean having a girlfriend in Chicago or many ex girlfriends, they definitely shaped his view on love. They chiseled away at him in ways that were both good and bad. Although he doesn’t know how because he’s never had a healthy view on love and romantic feelings. The relationships were never secure, nor were they showing him how forever feels. [ However Dean definitely has the mindset of calling his girls babe/baby. And it does carry on when he gets with Fulton. (“If I had a girlfriend, I’d call her babe… cause she’s a babe. But I have Fulton (a boyfriend) and that’s like the same thing right? It’s still a romantic attraction, just different genders so… I’m gonna call him babe”). He just likes seeing Fulton blush -_- ]. But with Fulton it’s completely different. It’s easy in a way that’s still challenging because easy is boring. He likes the challenge, he likes Fulton. He likes how easy it is with him when they are being all tender and soft, it doesn’t feel like a chore for him, but he also likes the challenge of their arguments. Don’t get him wrong he HATES arguing with Fulton [loves arguing though], but he kinda just likes the combativeness because he’s so quick to it. He thinks Fulton fighting back is pretty hot (because Fulton isn’t like that, not all the time. He’s gentle and sweet and kind, but he’d throw punches at anyone who lays a finger on his teammates. But it also takes him a lot of pushing to be thrown over the edge. He does try to work it out or calm everything down before resorting to pushing and fighting and yelling). Being with Fulton is like breathing, it's like charging head first into a brawl out on the ice, it’s like laying in warm sand on a sunny day at the beach. It shows him how forever feels.

: the lyric “your past and mine are parallel lines” really does fit with them in the sense of their trauma.

↳ Fulton has a traumatic familial relationship: he’s in and out of foster homes, his bio parents weren’t all that great, although somehow he will end up back in the care of his father. (His bio mom was an angel. He looks the most like her, he has her hair, her nose, her eyes. He has her love of reading, her love for animals, her love for gardening; well learning about flowers. His dad, on the other hand, is an alcoholic abusive deadbeat. He didn’t want a kid, he wastes away on the couch spending all his money on beer or out finding something to hit (it used to be Fulton, that’s how he got the scar on his cheek. He’s bigger than him now, and can fight back. The only thing Fulton got from his dad was his love for hockey, his broad shoulders and some of his anger). He’s been in the foster system, he’s been to institutions because people on the streets believed he had issues and that he might become a danger to those around him (for sticking up for kids on the streets, being quiet and having a mean slap shot). He believes he’s unloveable, and those thoughts were put into his head by his father figures. He hides who he is, he keeps to himself, he’s afraid to love, he’s afraid to feel. He’s afraid to get hurt again… by someone he loves. (He started smoking weed to distract himself).

{D3} Dean hurt him by leaving, The Ducks hurt him by choosing to stay at Eden Hall instead of fighting for their name, Charlie hurt him by saying he isn’t needed.

{D1, D2, D3} He was hurt by Bombay constantly leaving and him constantly giving the Ducks up for anything else, giving him up. He felt as though, like Charlie, Bombay was a fatherly figure to him. All of his father’s walked out on him, or hated him, it felt like he was walking away too.

↳ Dean’s familial relationship is much of the same. They don’t love him, and much like everyone else in his life, they only notice him when he fails, when he makes a complete fool out of himself. When he acts like a big jerk, a doofus, an idiot. They are highly religious people, who forced religion on him the moment he was born. They made him go to church, Sunday school, they forced him to read the Bible whenever he did something bad. They yelled at him for his mistakes and they yelled at him for his apologies. He grew up to be tough, he was raised tough, and he grew up to rebel. Against his parents, against school administrators, and teachers, against anyone who told him he was to stupid to make it anywhere in life. He’s a guilt ridden, traumatized, child behind the iron bars around his heart. He’s a lone wolf, with no familial support, no friends, teammates in Chicago he keeps around for convenience (well now they are ex teammates), not that they ever liked him. The Ducks are different, they are good people. They are close, they banter, they support each other. That’s what they do. They are their own little found family, and Dean really doesn’t want to even think about the fact they have got to him. That they wormed their way into his heart. They make him… soft, inside, and Dean doesn’t want to let them get away with it. Fulton, maybe, he’d let get away with turning him all mushy, but the rest of them. Hell no. (He lets it happen anyways because they are the only people who care about him, who support him. And in turn he’s got their backs, maybe that’s just cause he’s their enforcer, maybe it’s something else).

(When I think of Dean Portmman’s parents, I think of John Bender from ‘The Breakfast Club’. “John Bender : [Imitating his Father] Stupid, worthless, no good, goddamn, freeloading son of a bitch. Retarded, big mouth, know-it-all, asshole, jerk. [Imitating his Mother] John Bender : You forgot ugly, lazy and disrespectful. [Father's voice] John Bender : Shut up bitch! Go fix me a turkey pot pie. [His own voice] John Bender : No dad, what about you? [Father's voice] John Bender : Fuck you. [His own voice] John Bender : No dad, what about you? [Father's voice] John Bender : Fuck you. [His own voice] John Bender : Dad, what about you? [Father's voice] John Bender : Fuck you! [Pantomimes getting punched in the face]” ).

[octaviasdread]

I hereby conduct this tortured poets society album meeting in all of its mania and sorrowful blues as I move from unhinged impressions to unhinged first-listen analysis because I am incapable of saying less.

(and to all the Aimees i’m so sorry but that’s on Kim)

This Anthology is taking me so long to process, but nothing feels like the first jarring moments of I Can Do It With a Broken Heart - the cacophony and flashes of a birthday breakdown bopping to 80s arcade game synth. It's crumbled cake and mascara streaks when Bejewelled is actually a delusional Mirrorball,

and The Secret Garden reference in I Hate It Here, oh god, she’s so me:

I hate it here so I will go to / secret gardens in my mind / people need a key to get to / the only one is mine / i read about it in a book when I was a precocious child

I need to come back to that. But the whirlwind of Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me? Plans cancelled. IM THE ONE barricaded in the bathroom with a bottle of wine, actually. It's me chained-up in that poor things victorian mourning dress shrieking elegies in my tortured nightingale screams.

She's Grammys Taylor looking at the crowd of her peers rolling their eyes, she's the litany of snide jokes diminishing her success, and the children, sisters, friends, and girlfriends of those who wronged her loudly singing her songs.

so i leap from the gallows and i levitate down your street / crash the party like a record scratch as I scream / who’s afraid of little old me

i was tame i was gentle til the circus made me mean / don’t you worry folks we took out all her teeth

ohhh, the throwback to Speak Now and the significance of MEAN. The song and its titular word show how childish language encapsulates that pointless spite and the bone deep hurt mean behaviour breeds - but now she’s a phoenix risen, and they hurl her youth and her downfall back in her face - word for word, surprised face - its the dark side the The Lucky One, of not escaping the cage of fame games.

you lured me and you hurt me and you taught me / you caged me and then you called me crazy

i wanna snarl and show you just how disturbed this has made me / you wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me / so all you kids can sneak into my house with all the cobwebs / i’m always drunk on my own tears isn’t that what they all said?

PUT NARCOTICS IN MY SONG took me out. This album is funny in the most sardonic and absurdly humorous ways,

like the classic cowboy western guitar strings in her crime songs (I Can Fix Him, No Really I Can - pistols drawn), but especially the ones leading into Fresh Out The Slammer. Fucking genius, and to follow on with static sounds at 2:26ish to the house where you still wait up, is exactly the kinda detail I adore.

Naively, I thought Florence was done with me after Florida!!! It's a lyrical meme for single 20 & 30 somethings who moved away from home,

my friends all smell of like weed or little babies / and the city reeks of driving myself crazy / little did you know your home’s really only / a town you’re just a guest in

and the haunting morphs from the ghost of your girlhood into the catalogue of decisions and delusions which get you through adulthood. Yet it feels almost like an interlude within the song when

me and my ghosts we’ve had a hell of a time / yes i’m haunted but i’m feeling fine / all my girls got their lace and their crimes / and your cheating husband disappeared/ well no one asks questions here

appears like an alternative pov for No Body, No Crime with the girls and their ghosts and their pacts made over wine. Every Action has an Equal Reaction. Run away to Florida, or Texas, and lose yourself to lose the heartbreak. Its self-destruction, it's trauma-healing, bonding, and its breaking.

(what a song for an angsty girl collab, problematic girl in hand with problematic girl, lyrically and thematically, maybe the real love story is the friends we make along the way.)

And that wasn't even the last of it. It's Florence 2.0 with B side Cassandra, but instead of Dance Fever, its Taylor’s glorious mythology with all the allusions, parallels, intertextual and lyrical ruining of my mind:

when the first stone’s thrown they’re screaming / when its burn the bitch they’re shrieking / when the truth comes out its quiet

so they killed cassandra first cus she feared the worst / and tried to tell the town / so they filled my cell with snakes i regret to say / do you believe me now?

No apologies anymore. A girl given the gift of prophecy by Apollo, the GOD OF POETRY, is cursed with her prophecy never being believed: Burning all the witches even if you aren't one, indeed. She saw the truth of the Trojan horse, and the Trojans insulted her. Rep snake branding and the current cultural view of KK and Ye. I don't need to say anything else.

i was in the tower weaving nightmares / twisting all my smiles into snarls

the family the pure greed the christian chrous line / bloods thick but nothing like a payroll / bet they never spared a prayer for my soul

I literally played that THREE times before I got over it enough to finish my first listen,

and i’m still thinking about Clara Bow and that Stevie Nicks tambourine we collectively freaked over from the Spotify installation, and all the silent movie speculation from the track title release.

you look like Clara Bow in this light - you look like Stevie Nicks in '75 - you look like Taylor Swift

Three women whose public profession became entangled with their pain. Silver Springs. Boyfriend songs. The jokes. Clara Bow.

Clara feared being left behind by 'talkies.' Miss Americana. The fear of 30 bringing death to a woman's Hollywood/Musical career,

beauty is a beast that roars down on all fours demanding more / only when your girlish glow flickers just so / do they let you know?

Three women who beat the odds - three women whose talent, craft, and popularity carried them through.

But there's something more to unpack here with cycles and patterns - of the past endlessly repeating. It's the transient nature of fame and our fleeting view of beauty mapped out in the untouchable, ever-changing, and culturally worshiped moon.

It's a body of physical craters, a natural body we call discovered, and fight to claim. We project emotions and create rituals of worship - you're the new god we're worshipping. Endless stories are told about her, but we can never fully see the moon with human eyes. Eclipses, shadows, - 'half moonshinе, a full eclipse' - half-truths and half-moons:

this town is fake but you're the real thing / breath of fresh air through smoke rings / take the glory, give everything / promise to be dazzling

There's a play on light and a play on words in the repetition of Dazzling, shining so bright so blindingly bright. Who is dazzled? Who is doing the dazzling? There's an instability between Director - Public - Star. It's Hollywood lights, No one in my small town thought I'd see the lights of Manhattan / No one in my small town thought I'd meet these suits in LA.

She beat the 'War Big Machine' - but for me, there's ambivalence and illusion on all sides of the final lyrics, you've got edge, she never did / the future's bright, dazzling.

(and ‘Edge’ is particularly ironic when you consider the songs on this album…)

Moving again into the B Side, it's Taylor's departure from Invisible string, red strings of fate, and golden threads à la the golden chain of fate in Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities that strikes me.

First, I thought her writing was a complete departure from the themes of destiny and fate, but then, The Prophecy:

cards on thе table / Mine play out like fools in a fablе

it isn't an absent symbol; it transformed. It's the evermore forest amped to the max. Witches, folklore, fairy-tale and fable - a homeric epic. Its the hero's journey distilled as she opens the song with a move from 'full throttle' adventure, to slowing down 'Hand on the Throttle' to appeal for Supernatural aid at the hero's transformative fall.

and it was written / I got cursed like eve got bitten / a greater woman wouldn't beg / but I looked at the sky and said / please I've been on my knees / change the prophecy

Lover asking Traffic Lights becomes spending my last coin so someone will tell me, and this might be the most slept-on heartbreaking line. Her search for reassurance can't be framed as an arbitrary musing anymore. It can't be dismissed as a mere thought on her drive home, or something triggered throughout the day - its intent. It's a quest for answers, a plea, a last-ditch hope difficult to deny.

and I sound like an infant / feeling like the very last drops of an ink pen/ a greater woman stays cool/ but I howl like a wolf at the moon / and I look unstable /

gathered with a coven 'round a sorceress' table / a greater woman has faith But even statues crumble if they're made to wait / i'm so afraid I sealed my fate / no sign of soulmates

She's asking for a gift from the Gods, and when the God's won't answer, she plunges straight down from heaven or Olympus into the self seizure of power in witchcraft. And when it fails, she descends further - Spending my last coin so someone will tell me it'll be okay - paying mortal fortune tellers, even if they lie.

The song leans on figures without redemption, on the Eve's, on the women cursed and punished, and those who scream like infants rather than enduring burdens and pain in silence. She's poisoned, infected like Aurora from the wound of the pricked hand with dreams of him. Is this a punishment?

She's infected, cursed like Eve got bitten, [lyric of all time!!!!] but does a monster always do monstrous things? Who is the monster? Who is the folkloric, the literary Mad Woman? Perhaps she's written from the desperate, the scarred, and the wronged.

and the transition into another tale with Peter? As in Peter losing Wendy? Is it an epilogue to the Betty trilogy? or a different use of the metaphor?

and I didn't wanna hang around / we said it was just goodbye for now /said you were gonna grow up / then you were gonna come find me / words from the mouths of babes / promises oceans deep / but never to keep

The triangle is echoed in love's never lost when perspective is earned, reflecting the different povs of Betty, August, and James, and placing Peter as the new conclusion - the shelf life of those fantasies has expired / lost to the lost boys chapter of your life/ the woman who sits by the window/ has turned out the (porch?) light.

Promises wear out. Wendy's window closes, and so does this chapter in her life.

my lost fearless leader / in closets like cedar / preserved from when we were just kids / is it something I did? / the goddess of timing / once found us beguiling

is also - intentionally or not - Narnia coded. Is the storybook collecting dust in her closet? Or is the closet still holding a portal to another fairytale land accessible only in youth, another home you can't return to (and another folklore parallel with mtr, anywhere I want just not home).

Side B is so harmonious with ttpd being the end of a chapter as the anthology moves through all the seven stages (or Taylor playlists) of grief.

The Manuscript, the signing of the autopsy, is the Death of the Author. It's the Roland Barthes realisation of All Too Well reborn in joy and fan culture, the story isn't mine anymore, of the Eras - 'I hope you hear these songs and think of this night' - Tour. She knew what the agony had been for - art. connection. - and its these things that create the hope lost in ttpd's journey through mania, disorientation, loss and despair. It all leads to healing, nothing left but a manuscript.

So many thoughts from listen no.1 and they’ll probably change, but i’m so exhausted from this 31 song rollercoaster that I'm just gonna let this sit. death of the author, I guess.

[lost-inanotherlife]

"I Do" or when Kate and Jack almost got (figuratively) married

I've previously stated that I don't find "I Do" particularly excellent when it comes to Kate's flashback story. I still stand by that. From a creative point of view Kate reiventing herself as Monica and getting married to a police officer doesn't exactly scream "genius". Conversely, the idea for her flashback in "Left Behind" is way more compelling and allows us to see sides of Kate that aren't necessarily related to her interior romantic love life (in that episode Kate and Cassidy teams up to "con" Kate's mother in order for Kate to have a moment with her without getting arrested).

Having said that, "I Do" is, overall, a fucking great episode. Everything and I mean EVERYTHING is written and shot to perfection so I thought to write a little meta about it.

Now, before we move on to the analysis, let's please consider that the previous Kate-centric episode is S2E9 "What Kate Did". I wrote an extensive meta about it and you can find it here. For the sake of this meta, though, all you need to know is this: what Kate sees in Sawyer is herself, specifically what she thinks she is in the present moment based on the things she's done in the past, i.e. a "bad" person or a person capable of doing "bad" things; what Kate sees in Jack is her potential self, what she thinks she can become in the present moment and simply be in the future because she intimately thinks she's capable of being "good" and doing "good" things.

In "What Kate Did" she chooses the black horse representing her "dark" self, therefore she chooses Sawyer. In "I Do" she symbolically chooses Sawyer again but things get a litte bit more complicated because this time Jack says his "I do" and Kate finds that she can't quite say "I do" back yet, but she can't say goodbye to her potential either: in other words she can't leave Jack/her potential behind. You'll see what I mean in this meta.

ACT ONE.

The episode opens with the song "Slowly" in the background. We hear the following lyrics:

Tell me you love me again but this time slowly 'Cause you're talkin' too fast, baby, much fast Come on and squeeze me again but this time slowly 'Cause I like your grasp but it's much fast

You said that our love will grow together 'Cause your mine all mine

Foreshadowing: this episode will be about "I love yous" and about something that's growing.

It'll also be about make-believe as we see a 50s-styled Kate opening a box containing a wedding veil. A man knocks on her door and we see the following dialogue:

MAN: Police, open the door. KATE: [Nervously] Um. Everything's alright in here. MAN: Ma'am, we have reason to believe that someone extremely dangerous is in the motel. We're conducting a room-to-room search. KATE: [Starting to smile] I'm alone, officer. MAN: The person could be holding you at gunpoint, forcing you to say that. Please open the door. KATE: I don't think I should. MAN: Then you have three seconds before I break this door down. One... two... [Kate stands by and opens the door right before he says "three", revealing the policeman, Kevin.] KEVIN: Hey. Wanna get it on? dialogue from https://lostpedia.fandom.com

We the audience (who already know about Kate's past) are already tipped off to the fact that this is all fake. Kate is clearly wearing a mask, she's being someone else, someone who perhaps she'd like to be or, at least, she's putting on a new persona-dress to see if it fits. Spoiler alert: it doesn't. However, this is also extraordinarily real because Kate's indeed a fugitive, she might as well be "the dangerous someone in the motel" herself. Ironically, in the scenario where Kate is the dangerous person in the motel, she's also the person who's holding at gunpoint... herself, forcing herself to say stuff. Interesting, right? In other words, the show is telling us to pay close attention because the episode will play with the line between fiction and reality.

In the very second scene there's a defeated Sawyer throwing rocks without purpose. Kate sees something's wrong with him, he's slowly giving up. She tells him to get a fish biscuit for her, implicitly telling him: "Provide for me, be here for me, don't give up". Sawyer's not stupid and immediately retorts with a "Psh. What, you trying to keep me feeling productive?".

In the last scene of Act 1, we're introduced to the final protagonist of this episode, Jack, and we discover what's growing as the song alluded in the very first scene: "JACK: [To Ben] The tumor on your spine is borderline inoperable. And at the rate it's growing, that borderline goes away in about one week".

By the end of Act 1 we have all the info we need to understand this episode: it'll be about love, it's gonna make us believe things that are not true and the thing that's growing on Ben's spine will be the keystone to put all the pieces of the puzzle together.

To be continued!

[rotten7rat]

Jason Todd Playlist Analysis

PART 2

Breathe by CircusP and Nostraightanswer

Honestly, this song is mostly funny to me because its very Nightcore era. But alas, the lyrics fit. This one fits early returned Jason and his cynical, angry view on Bruce and what Bruce thought/thinks of him. This song isn’t terribly complex, it gets straight to the point, so I don’t have too much to say about it.

Oh man, it's been a while, hasn't it?

Are you just as excited as I am?

'Cause I've been dyin' to see you

Dyin' to see you

Dyin' to see you

This would be during UtRH, not necessarily the final confrontation, but maybe just overall. Jason’s sarcasm and death references. I particularly like the repetition at the end, I think it adds a deranged sound to the song.

I'm your dark, edgy past mistake

Said I kept you awake, but that all was fake, right?

Pray no one digs up the grave

Jason referring to himself as Batman’s greatest failure. The disbelief in Bruce’s mourning of him.

I'm six feet under, cast asunder, yet here we are

Now I've just begun

Your pity party can't start without me, so here we are

Jason’s view on how he died and was immediately pushed aside and replaced, but he’s back now. He will do what Batman can’t, and he’s just started.

I've got a few tricks up my sleeve

I've been practicing like you wouldn't even believe

Isn't it nice

To feel your own vice

Fill your chest just like how you filled mine?

Directly referring to Jason’s LoA training. So not only does he have Robin training, but all new skills for his new identity. Being Bruce’s son, and being Robin used to make Jason feel happy and fulfilled (filling his chest), and he is insinuating that Bruce has fallen further into Batman to fulfil himself

Said you're crushed by the pain, but that's not the case, right?

Pray no one digs up the dirt

"He'll rest in peace, " said the priest

Denying the idea that Bruce loved him and mourned him again. Obviously, Jason didn’t rest in peace, he is a vengeful spirit.

[barrenclan]

Got a heartbreaking one for you: I Will Follow You into the Dark by Death Cab for Cutie.

This one works well for a Rainhaze and Slugpelt song, pre-defiance. It comes from their differing views of death we’re shown, how Slugpelt sees it as hopeless and desolate while Rainhaze sees it as comforting and warm.

Especially this one verse here

In Catholic school / As vicious as Roman rule / I got my knuckles bruised / By a lady in black / And I held my tongue / As she told me, "Son Fear is the heart of love" / So I never went back

In my mind I can see this with the younger siblings. Dustfeather being awful to Slugpaw, then later coming to Rainpaw and explaining that this was how love was supposed to be, for her, and Rainpaw severely doubts her. (Cut to the last line “so I never went back”, with Rainhaze leading Dustfeather into the territory late at night).

The very last chorus could be once Ranger reveals Rainhaze to his old clan, and Rainhaze tries to explain to them that death isn’t just something that shouldn’t be dreaded, but something benevolent, the best option. And then Slugpelt can go and Dustfeather him to close it off. (This ask was sent post issue 36, cannot guarantee any of this will happen. Fingers crossed though!!)

Oh yes, I remember this song! I like your analysis on it.

Vocaloid's not really my thing but I take your word for it. The Defiance attack is very apocalyptic for the BarrenClan cats.

Any songs about women doing murder and being hot and excited about it is a perfect Spike song!

Oh, you like me now? Bad bitch on the prowl Straight dudes, big dogs Lock 'em up chow (ciao) Pink tag wrapped around his big toe Put the scum in a bag, let his wife know

It doesn't seem like anyone has suggested it yet, or at least it was long enough ago that my YouTube doesn't remember it. I don't listen to much Will Wood but I like these lyrics with him!

Have you ever died in a nightmare? Woke up surprised you hadn’t earned your fate? Have you ever felt like Atlas, threw your back out on the axis And collapsed and threw the planet away?

Ooh, whatever you think of me (It’s the norm for chemicals, it’s the norm for particles) If you were in my shoes, you’d walk the same damn miles I do (Yes, it’s only natural)

You, could you take a look at me? (You could break an angel’s fall, and ignore the Devil’s call) Am I bad, am I bad, am I bad, am I really that bad? (Still forsaken shoulders fall silent now)

SO Rainhaze coded. The Ashfur MAP is one of my all time favorites too.

Every word that I say seems far too contrived What are your intentions? I'm ashamed by mine When I'm thinking too much, I realize I'm unkind

Pretend that I'm nicer than I'll ever be I am selfish and deluded, enjoy my hypocrisy <- och... remember this Complain that I'm bored, when being bored is a privilege Act like I'm suffering, there's no suffering in this

Hah, yeah.

Early BarrenClan/post-RoseClan vibes to me.

I miss the friends I had to leave behind My dad saying "I'm proud of you son" It makes me wanna go home Could I ever call this place home?

I used to dream about the other side The sun rising on the skyline And a beautiful rainbow Such a beautiful rainbow